I Have A Vacuum Cleaner

I have a vacuum cleaner. And I'm not afraid to use it.


You would not believe how hard it was to find this, the Philips 900 watt Mini-Vac. In most of Beijing, cleaning the street is done with a simple pile of twigs tied to a stick. I'm no student of history, but I can almost swear that Englishwomen used a better broom 400 years ago, at least until they were found out and burned at the stake. Then again, those crude cleaning tools also were said to have enabled the power of flight, but that's another story.


After midnight, you might see an old street sweeper truck, gilding the gutters along Beijing's major highways, but it is a losing battle. For a series of reasons, this is one of the world's dirtiest cities. It's only a few hundred miles from the Gobi Desert, so sand gets blown in on a daily basis. Then, there's the usual grit and grime which is typical of a big industrial city. But why and how the dirt gets into my apartment is an absolute mystery. I've lived in big cities in the U. S., and I've never had dirt pile up...PILE UP...in the corner of an apartment within the space of 48 hours. Fortunately, the apartment is fitted hardwood and tile floors, because wall-to-wall carpet would have no chance.


I used the lame broom-and-dustpan method of cleaning the floors for 8 months before I finally located and purchased a mini-vac, a "dust buster" that is standard equipment in almost every home in the developed world. This thing produces a decent amount of suction that lets me attack piles of dirt with ease. Like the message on the box says, it "Gives a Good Result Fast!" It also packs a killer recoil. The 900 watts of power forces the handle to do the kind of gymnastics underage Chinese Olympians can only dream about. I've got to tape both of my wrists before I hit the power switch.


The good news is that it works. The bad news is it keeps me from hiring someone else to clean my apartment for me, which is apparently the option most foreigners use instead of deploying the unyielding power of the mighty mini-vac. Made here in China, by the way.