Take Beijing Subway

I love the Beijing Subway system. It is clean, simple, and efficient. The signage, although mostly in Chinese, is easily understandable for foreigners. If you've tried to get around in any big international city, you know that once you've seen one subway map, you've seen them all.

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The only bad thing, and this is the case with all public transportation in this part of the world, is that it is outrageously congested. Once rush hour strikes, the rule of order completely breaks down. The sole authority figures are a few cops and mostly little old ladies, shouting crass language through bullhorns and stuffing commuters into already overcrowded subway cars.

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One charming aspect of the cultural divide is how standing in line -- queing-up for our Continental readers -- is not a custom at the Beijing subway ticket booth. I've heard it said that when you live in a country with 1.3 billion other people, waiting for your turn is not an option. There might be a line of 20 people standing patiently ahead of you, but if you are sneaky enough to get around the edge of the counter and slide your cash through the hole in the window, and quick enough to grab the ticket meant for the guy in the front of the line, then you are a real man (or woman) indeed.

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Then there is the fun of getting on the train itself. One time, I found myself waiting along with a crowd of commuters as the subway rolled to a stop in front of us, and noticed something unusual when the doors opened. The passengers were not just stepping out of the car, they were running away from it, as if the carriage was on fire. Looking inside, I witnessed a full-on, screaming, kicking, fist-swinging fracas had broken out among people on the train. Not just between a couple of guys, but between two entire families. It appeared that one group, hauling a number of bags and suitcases, had pushed their way onto the crowded train at a previous stop, and the other group had taken offense. This was during the height of the Spring Festival travel season, during which a large percentage of Beijing's migrant population returns to the countryside for family reunions.

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Each subway stop lasts for only about 30 seconds, but it was more than enough time for the rapidly escalating, violent spectacle between these Chinese Hatfields and McCoys to spill off the train and onto the platform. Forget all those stories about a tranquil and harmonious society: members of one family forcibly shoved the others out of the subway car, and tossed their bags out with them. And then some of them left the train themselves to continue trading haymakers and uppercuts as the subway police ignored the scene altogether, opting instead to move waiting passengers into the carriage.

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A few family members from the group still on the train -- Jed, Jethro, Elly Mae and even Granny -- grabbed and dragged their kin back into the car, while their counterparts outside yelled insults and obscenities through the closing doors. Finally, members of each rural clan began punching the glass in a vain attempt to get in some more shots as the train pulled away.

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Then suddenly, silence, as if none of it had ever happened. One group of commuters on the platform was quietly replaced by another, as the next train was due within two minutes, and the rush hour circle of life continued. Maybe there is a sense of order here after all.