Year of the Tiger

This is finally the week in which the Chinese change the page on the lunar calendar.

The Year of the Tiger is at hand, which is good news for all tigers with the possible exception of Tiger Woods.

I've read recently that there are not as many wild tigers as you might think. The tiger is apparently listed as one of the globe's ten most endangered species. There are thought to be only 3,200 wild tigers living in the world today.

In China, I imagine the tigers must know this, and are hungry to get even. Almost a year ago, two Chinese men decided to take a shortcut through a wildlife preserve near Beijing, not realizing that it was also a habitat for wild tigers, who were likely shocked and amazed by the sight of live human beings in their midst. In fact, I suspect two of the tigers had a conversation inspired by the lizards in the old Budweiser TV commercials from a few years back:

Tiger 1: Hey, Frankie.

Tiger 2: Yeah, Louie.

Tiger 1: You know, we've been living in this jungle far away from our homes for a couple of years now. And I was just thinking, the food here is good, but it ain't the same. I just can't get used to it.

Tiger 2: Well, Beijing food comes from a different culture. It is an acquired taste fit only for the most-sophisticated palate. They've been enjoying this food for 5000 years, so they can't be wrong. All the foreign tigers swear by it.

Tiger 1: I know, I know. The Siberian tigers and Bengal tigers enjoy those dishes. But I tell you, Louie, some of that traditional food smells like dirty dishrags, and tastes worse. Just sayin'.

Tiger 2: But the South China tigers say the food they get down there is just delicious.

Tiger 1: Well, DUH. It's South China. They're getting prime choice. Deer, rabbit, antelope, the spicy Sichuan stuff. But up here at the Badaling Great Wall, it ain't so good. The fact of the matter is, I have a craving for something we haven't had in quite a while.

Tiger 2: What's that, Louie?

Tiger 1: Three words. Basic. Human. Flesh.

Tiger 2: C'mon, Louie. We're tigers in China. We just go with the flow and do what the Romans do. Besides, where are you going to find any humans to chow down on over here? It's not like a couple of Chinese guys are going to come intruding into our nature park.

Tiger 1: You mean like those two over there?

Intruder 1: I don't think this is the right shortcut.

Intruder 2: Why?

Intruder 1: Because those two man-eating tigers are on the same side of the fence we're on.

Needless to say, the intruders regretted their decision, and the afternoon on which they chose to enter the tigers' den was part of their last day on earth.

Tiger 2: Well, I gotta hand it to you, you were right. Basic human flesh was a welcome change of pace.

Tiger 1: Yeah. But it woulda tasted better if it was French.