McDonald's

Whenever you find yourself in a strange location, nothing is more welcome than a familiar face.


The much-maligned Golden Arches serve that purpose for Westerners all over the Far East. And all of you culture-addicted, high-minded idiots who turn-up your noses at the sight of Starbucks, KFCs, Pizza Huts, and McDonalds, just get over yourselves.


"With all the great Chinese food to choose from, why would you want to go to McDonald's?" Um, because all Chinese food isn't that great, and you can rely on Mickey D's to deliver each and every time.


The facts are these: 1. McDonalds' plot for world domination is already more than 25 years old, so if you haven't accepted it yet, it's time you got started. 2. The Chinese like McDonald's; they think it's great. If they didn't, there would not be one on every other block in Beijing. 3. Millions of Chinese eat at McDonald's every day. So, as you international snobs keep telling me, when in Rome...put your stupid pretensions aside and enjoy the goodness that is juicy burgers, delicious fries, and a thick shake. 4. Most Chinese who do eat McDonald's food enjoy other stuff, too, like Chinese food. So don't lecture me about how opening a McDonald's in the neighborhood will lead to a health threat akin to radiation sickness, because it just isn't true. 5. The quality of McDonald's food in China is, in all likelihood, far better than that which is served in the United States. Period.


"Oh, the McDonald's fast-food invasion is sending the native culture rocketing down the toilet!" Give me a break. The restaurants are always clean, the workers are always friendly, and the crew nearly always gets your order right, given that you place your order in perfect Mandarin. Bottom line: Chinese culture has managed to last 5000 years. I'm sure it can survive a few ounces of special sauce.